dazelnut

They hung out and talked about old times, and he says he apologized for how he had behaved. "I knew that was my duty — to me as a person, first and foremost, not even to them," he says. "To admit it to myself and to say it out loud."

I re-read The Little Prince the other day. First book I have read in about 6 months I think.
It is a strange book; it is a children's book, there is "more" to it, yet I do not think it is adult. Ok, whatever that means (not meaning to slander "childishness".

I like these passages:

"If someone loves a flower of which there is only one on the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy when he looks at them for he can say to himself: "My flower is somewhere out there..." But if the sheep eats the flower, it is for him as if, all of a sudden, all the stars went dark!"

And

"'Men', said the fox, 'have rifles and they hunt. It is a real nuisance. They also raise chickens. Those are the only activities which they are interested in...'"

Wow, this one is brilliant. The fox can only see 'men' through the lens of what interests him, but he then attributes this narrowness to them. How common this is!

( Read more... )

"All work that is worth anything is done in faith" Albert Schweitzer*
--
That lifted my mood very much.
Maybe I do need to pick up a self-help book aft all =).

I've got new glasses. They are progressive lenses. I have to wear them all the time - at least for 8 or so weeks- and it's taking some getting used to.

--
This morning I've been reading Jordan Mechner's journals from when he was developing Prince of Persia in the 80s. You can feel his excitement, and how the potential of his project helps him to overcome all the little challenges along the way (and how those challenges, overcome, brighten the potential). It's nice to be reminded that you can do great things with ideas and lots of perseverance. And in a way I feel excited by it myself.

It appears that a tentative title for the game was Baghdad.

I think this is a funny couple of entries.
"MARCH 8, 1987:
I called Corey back. He told me we’d been evicted from our office and our stuff transferred to the dingy, unpainted, windowless attic of 47 Paul Drive. Corey was at the bottom of the deepest depression I’d ever seen him, and was ready to move back home.

...

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law. If I were you, I’d go into work early tomorrow morning and move both your desks and all your stuff into that room.”

I called Corey back and told him the plan. He was terrified, but we did it that night, feeling like a pair of burglars."

MARCH 9, 1987:
I arrived at work to find Adaire furious. It seems they’d been planning to paint the room that day, and Corey and I, by moving in our furniture, had made it impossible for the painters to work. So we moved it all into the middle of the room and threw a tarp over it. We had to buy the tarp ourselves at the local hardware store, because the painters didn’t have one."

--
Ho hum. No more reading!

ha. speaking of blessings
you cannot imagine how much of a blessing it was to have received that two-letter diagnosis (excess convergence) from the optometrist.

I have spent all week -killing my eyes- reading medical journals about excess convergence and related symptoms. This is something which I could not have done with the cliched term 'eye strain' which, except for the account of my subjective experience, is all I've had to go by. Actually, I never looked at a medical journal before - the inspiration for doing so now has been the amount of responses to my query from "pay per article" medical journals in Google searches. Luckily I miraculously managed to remember my university student number (password too); and furthermore-fortunately they have not kicked me out of the system yet so I can access many of the articles.

I have been learning so much!
After having tentatively diagnosed myself with "ill-sustained accommodation", I decided - upon recommendation of articles - to visit a vision therapist.

I went to the "vision therapist" - actually also an optometrist - told him the previous optometrist's diagnosis, to which he scoffed (later admitting that it was part of the problem, but a symptom not cause), and then I hesitantly told him my own. After a little while he had diagnosed me with "accommodative insufficiency" and prescribed a new pair of glasses - no mention of vision therapy.

Unfortunately I did not like his manner, and he had not explained to my satisfaction why I needed the particular glasses he prescribed - there was some funky logic in there- though in the end he may be right.

Nevertheless, "accommodation insufficiency" does concur with my own subjective feeling of what occurred to me when I tried to read a lot "It feels like I am (or at least one of my eyes is) looking beyond the page, and I have to keep trying to bring the focus back": in this case the ciliary muscle (which is responsible for adjusting our "inner lens") is incapable of sustaining focus on close objects, its' focus lands "behind" the object - where less muscle tension is required; the eyes then overly converge*[this is a highly dubious point!! - I am not sure of the relationship between vergence/accommodation] in an effort to focus on the correct plane(perhaps using the cornea for magnification?? - not sure)- this leads to strain on two different muscle sets, one caused by the other.

I haven't quite worked out the convergence bit yet.


According to anonymous optometrist on the internet "There are LOTS of doctors (99% of opthalmologists and probably 33% of optometrists) that have not been educated to be able to diagnose these problems." Yet, the articles I have been reading state that they are some of the most common issues!??*

--
Now I have an appointment with the original optometrist who I prefer because he makes a greater effort to explain things to me, is not arrogant and does not make spurious analogies; basically I feel more comfortable with him and trust him. But perhaps I will cancel the appointment.

I still feel vision therapy is what I want to do, it's just a question of finding someone reputable, and not too expensive. Or finding a suitable internet site, specific to my condition. But we shall see.
:)


[* correction, insufficient convergence is one of the most common, insufficient accommodation is less s0- though often they occur together]

I heard a live set on the radio while I was driving to the airport to pick up my parents (who have just returned from New Zealand); there was lots of pre-song comment; the singer, a female, spoke like me - a bit cloudy ("naive") and lots of thoughtful pauses. It makes her sound a bit dopey. Anyway, though not brilliant, I enjoyed the music.

I come on here to find out what the name of the band was "The Orbweavers"
This is a song about her pet retired racing greyhound, who is not allowed to be let off the leash in public.



And while I was on the website I saw the image below listed as "Album of the week"

Seeing this image irritated me, because it looks like a metal album cover, and I hate metal; and I think the aesthetic behind images like that is boneheaded. Anyway, it turns out the album is by Grimes, who is one of the only new musicians I have embraced over the last few years. So let that be a lesson to me.

I will buy this album now on the internet (since her first album I downloaded free) with the money from the vintage toy accordion I just sold.

anyhow..
now I am going away for a bit I think.
I am leaving here slowly.
But I will not leave you. :)

I keep forgetting to write this exchange down, so I'll write it here.

A few days ago I was walking through the dark, a man was trying to back his 4WD and a new "show trailer" (like the ones that are used as mobile dog-baths) through the gates at the front into the yard. His wife (I guess) was behind the trailer yelling out directions to him as he exclaimed "I can't see a damn thing!"

I wondered whether I should help them.
Anyhow, after a bit of reversing, correcting etc. he backed into his gate just a little. I just loved the absurdity the remarks that followed. Not just absurdity.

He yells "Come here! Come over here...now!!!
*she walks up to the window of the vehicle*
Don't you tell me that I'm not going to hit it.
Because -- I just did."

--
I walked on chuckling to myself audibly. Though it's understandable that people get frustrated in such circumstances I didn't feel like asking to assist anymore.

I enjoy watching the tennis. Though it burns the hell out of my eyes. And I only watch it during the Australian open.

I like the intense concentration and the humility; and I enjoy when either player makes a good shot, or when a rally is challenging [and I love that so often the top players appreciate when they have just lost to a ridiculously good shot]. I am always sad when someone misses a shot (unforced error); and still, when this occurs there will be a huge flurry of applause from the televised audience - seems rather cruel, but perhaps they see that missed shot not as a mistake on the part of the loser but as a victory (with mind games or whatever) on the part of the winner. Seems a little unlikely, eh? [probably, for the most part, the applause at mis-fortune, is a kind of release of tension (and euphoria) as the "narrative" of the game builds up towards the final act (or whatever); but you can tell the audience has usually backed a particular side]

There is a commentator, a USAlien, former tennis player, Jim Courier; he talks an awful lot: analysis, psychology, personal theories, anecdotes, and hilarious analogies which are so ridiculous (can't think of an example) and yet I love. People complain about him - mostly because he never shuts up; maybe it's because I don't know much about tennis: I think he is fantastic. Very intelligent and insightful.


Hiliarious: "I don't do a lot of TV commentary, just the US Open and the Australian each year and it's a different expectation in the US. . . (where) you are expected to talk a lot more.

"In Australia they say I talk too much so that's one of the things I have to keep working at."

--
Because I am setting up music equipment in my closet I need more space to put my clothes. I am bringing in a small chest-of-drawers I used when I was younger, and in it I found some flip books I made when I was 12.

*cough cough* nostalgia. video is on an angle, and my playback is stodgy. first youtube video, shhh.



---

It is said that "we" live in a visual culture. What is meant by this, is, more visual than "our" culture of the past (books, movies, TV, computers, and even with iPods it's pretty damn common to watch videos), and more visual than other cultures.

But in terms of our most important, really, intimate relationships, sight is, I think, one of the least important of our senses; it ranks only above sense of smell. Touch, hearing and goddamn intuition are much more important. And I think this even despite the much promoted importance of body language in conversation.

--
Though I don't mean to imply that losing your sight is easy, it might be responsible for an awful lot of alienation and loneliness.

I enjoy reading the comments on YouTube (my vice). This was posted in response to the GN'R video Estranged.

This song and video looks nothing like porn but for some reason it seems to stimulate my mind like i'm watching porn. Long live GNR. thank god Slash.

Wow.

( I wrote a history of North American when I was 14 or 15 (haha) )

( And how about my thoughts - not really thoughts,  )